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Real Self-Care: A Transformative Program for Redefining Wellness (Crystals, Cleanses, and Bubble Baths Not Included) Hardcover – March 14, 2023
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NPR's "Books We Love for 2023"
Forbes' "Greatest Self-Help Books of All Time"
"Realistic and trustworthy" -- InStyle
"This isn’t just another self-help book. It gives us a clear-eyed look at the way social systems drain our energy, and a concrete set of principles to rely on as we declare independence from these systems." —Martha Beck, New York Times bestselling author of The Way of Integrity
"This book is for anyone who’s ever removed a 'relaxing' sheet mask only to realize it hasn’t transformed you so much as your trash can.” —Jessica DeFino, The Unpublishable
From women’s mental health specialist and New York Times contributor Pooja Lakshmin, MD, comes a long-overdue reckoning with the contradictions of the wellness industry and a paradigm-shifting program for practicing real self-care that will empower, uplift, and maybe even start a revolution.
You may have noticed that it’s nearly impossible to go even a couple days without coming across the term self-care. A word that encompasses any number of lifestyle choices and products—from juice cleanses to yoga workshops to luxury bamboo sheets—self-care has exploded in our collective consciousness as a panacea for practically all of women’s problems.
Board-certified psychiatrist Dr. Pooja Lakshmin finds this cultural embrace of self-care incomplete at best and manipulative at worst. Fixing your troubles isn’t simple as buying a new day planner or signing up for a meditation class. These faux self-care practices keep us looking outward—comparing ourselves with others or striving for a certain type of perfection. Even worse, they exonerate an oppressive social system that has betrayed women and minorities.
Real self-care, in contrast, is an internal, self-reflective process that involves making difficult decisions in line with our values, and when we practice it, we shift our relationships, our workplaces, and even our broken systems.
In Real Self-Care, Lakshmin helps readers understand what a real practice of caring for yourself could—and does—look like. Using case studies from her practice, clinical research, and the down-to-earth style that she's become known for, Lakshmin provides a step-by-step program for real and sustainable change and solace. Packed with actionable strategies to deal with common problems, Real Self-Care is a complete roadmap for women to set boundaries and move past guilt, treat themselves with compassion, get closer to themselves, and assert their power. The result—having ownership over one’s own life— is nothing less than a personal and social revolution.
- Print length288 pages
- LanguageEnglish
- PublisherPenguin Life
- Publication dateMarch 14, 2023
- Dimensions5.8 x 1 x 8.5 inches
- ISBN-100593489721
- ISBN-13978-0593489727
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- Boundaries are hard not because you can’t identify yours, but because you are worried about the backlash.Highlighted by 810 Kindle readers
- Facing guilt requires accepting the fact that we cannot control and are not responsible for the emotions of other people.Highlighted by 759 Kindle readers
- Faux self-care is a method—in the moment, going for a run might improve your mood, but it does nothing to change the circumstances in your life that led you to feel drained, energy-less, or down. On the other hand, the work of real self-care is about going deeper and identifying the core principles to guide decision-making.Highlighted by 567 Kindle readers
From the Publisher
Editorial Reviews
Review
"In her practical guide to self-care, psychiatrist Pooja Lakshmin points out that so many elements of life are out of our control — which makes her arguments so much more realistic and trustworthy. Regular massages and manicures are incredible, but if you’re wondering why you still feel so stressed and rushed despite indulging in soothing activities, Lakshmin has the answer."
-- InStyle
"Lakshmin’s Real Self-Care is a self-help book that aims to offer self-care tips that go beyond telling individual people to buy more expensive face creams, and instead help readers both live within the systemic outrages of capitalism and find ways of changing the system." -- Vox
“This book is for anyone who’s ever removed a 'relaxing' sheet mask only to realize it hasn’t transformed you so much as your trash can.” --Jessica DeFino, The Unpublishable
“I see parents—moms in particular—struggling with the weight of expectations, feelings of failure, and the sense of never measuring up. In Real Self-Care Pooja explores what it really means to take care of ourselves and provides a revolutionary self-care framework that is honest, compassionate, and completely actionable.”
--Dr. Becky Kennedy, clinical psychologist, #1 New York Times bestselling author of Good Inside, and CEO and founder of Good Inside
“Real Self Care is a revelation! Pooja takes us through a journey of unlearning and rediscovery to tackle burnout, make ourselves whole again, and step into our power in a world that is often stacked against us.“
--Eve Rodsky, New York Times bestselling author of Fair Play
“Pooja's Real Self-Care is a gentle yet direct invitation for us to consider the things that will really help us to be well. She does a masterful job of exposing the life hacks and shortcuts that may seem helpful in the short term while encouraging us to interrogate and change the systems and beliefs that actually contribute to us feeling burned out and overwhelmed. This is a practical and helpful guide for anyone who has done all the things the listicles have outlined and is still feeling overrun and worn out. Pooja provides a real path forward paved with compassion and encouragement.”
--Dr. Joy Harden Bradford, Licensed Psychologist & Founder of Therapy for Black Girls
"This isn’t just another self-help book. It gives us a clear-eyed look at the way social systems drain our energy, and a concrete set of principles to rely on as we declare independence from these systems. Pooja is just the kind of wise, compassionate, experienced advisor who can help us claim health and happiness for the long term, despite the near-impossible demands that face us all. Real Self-Care is a much-needed sanctuary for the minds and hearts of its readers."
--Martha Beck, New York Times bestselling author of The Way of Integrity
"I always say that the first step of any negotiation is to convince yourself. Real Self Care *is* that first step in indelible book form. Through her lucid, wise, hilariously honest advice, Pooja Lakshmin will transform your thinking about what it means to feel worthy, precious, and powerful. To protect your time, to burn bright, not burn out. I know she'll do that for you because she's done it for me."
--Lauren Smith Brody, author and founder of The Fifth Trimester, co-founder Chamber of Mothers
"A thought-provoking and essential addition to health and wellness literature, Real Self-Care is an inspirational guide to self-love and healing.”
--She Reads
"In her heartfelt and empathetic REAL SELF-CARE, she shares how she moved beyond shame and regret to a happier, more true-to-herself life, something she believes readers can do, too."
--BookPage
"Pooja is the voice of an entire generation of people who have been left out and even harmed by the superficial "wellness" game."
--Kaz J. Nelson, MD, DFAPA, Associate Professor of Psychiatry & Behavioral Sciences, University of Minnesota Medical School
"With Real Self-Care Pooja Lakshmin invites readers to engage in the deep inner work that is the foundation for a stable and fulfilling life. She shows that, without this work, surface-level 'faux self-care' practices will only ever be a BandAid fix, while our lives continue to become increasingly unmanageable—making this a comforting and necessary book in times of individual and collective upheaval."
- Ruby Warrington, author of Sober Curious and Women Without Kids
“A bracingly honest, galvanizing and necessarily provocative look at what ‘self-care’ looks at – through a political and feminist lens. Expect to fold down every other page.” --Pandora Sykes
“Invaluable. For anyone mothering, working, simply trying to be their ‘best self’, this book will offer clarity and a new way forward.” --Katherine Ormerod, author of Why Social Media is Ruining Your Life
About the Author
Excerpt. © Reprinted by permission. All rights reserved.
Empty Calories
Faux Self-Care
Hasn't Saved Us
Revolutions that last don't happen from the top down. They happen from the bottom up.
Gloria Steinem
My patient Erin, thirty-eight, a mom of three school-age kids, wanted to pull her hair out whenever she heard the term self-care. She was up before 5:00 a.m. most mornings, responding to emails, getting the kids ready for school, and then rushing into the office for a ten-hour day. In the evenings, she'd pick up the kids and prep dinner before helping with homework and bedtime routines. Around 9:30 p.m., she would open up her laptop again for another two hours of work.
"Just tell me, when in this chaos am I supposed to find time for self-care?" she lamented. "I don't need a two-hundred-dollar massage, though it sure would be nice. I need more than five hours of sleep a night."
Whenever Erin found a couple of minutes to look into doing something for herself, the advice she found felt painfully condescending: "learn how to meditate" or "make a gratitude list." Instead of giving her a sense of relief, these recommendations just made Erin feel bad. "If everyone else seems to feel better with a bubble bath and a glass of wine, what's wrong with me that I can't get it together to make that happen?"
Then there was Hina, twenty-nine, who was struggling to achieve that elusive work-life balance. In her pursuit, she found herself diving headfirst into optimization and productivity strategies. She was always the first in her group of friends to try out the new meal delivery service and was fortunate to be able to outsource household tasks from time to time. Her focus on productivity was theoretically in service of finding time to do self-care, yet Hina could never quite pour the time she gained back into herself. When she did grab an extra hour for herself, she felt irritated by the leftover dishes in the sink and plagued by guilt for not spending more time at work.
These stories are common in my clinical practice, where, as a psychiatrist, I specialize in women's mental health. I see women of all backgrounds and ages-single and partnered, mothers and those who are child-free. Some of these women are coping with depression or anxiety, but many are just struggling to figure out how to take care of themselves in the midst of incredibly busy and hectic lives-and that was before a pandemic raised our stress and anxiety levels to epic proportions. The commonality among all of these women is clear, though-they're struggling, and what they're doing to find relief isn't working.
The Broken Promises of Faux Self-Care
In the past few years, I've noticed something curious happening. For women, the cultural obsession with self-care has not only failed to provide solace, it has also added more guilt and pressure. A common refrain I hear in my practice is "I'm burned out, I just can't do it anymore, and I feel like it's my fault because I should be taking care of myself." Self-care ends up being another burden, another thing on the to-do list for women to feel bad about because they aren't doing it right. I call this the tyranny of self-care.
My patients feel beaten down and confused, and so do I. And, taking it a step further, many of us also understandably feel insulted and resentful that not only do we not have time for these "strategies," but even when we do them, they don't provide the relief that is advertised. Or on the occasions when they do work, the relief doesn't last long. We are right to recognize that it's ridiculous that the solution we are sold to the unrelenting demands of being a woman in the twenty-first century is a twenty-dollar bath bomb. Our culture has taken wellness and foisted it on the individual-where it can be bought, measured, and held up as personal success-instead of investing in making our social systems healthy.
Personally, I also know the allure of these supposed fixes all too well-I shared in the introduction about my wellness-cult deep dive. But even before that dramatic decision, in my early twenties I turned to yoga as a fix for being a burned-out medical student. It certainly helped at first-my weekly yoga class was a much-needed break from memorizing the Krebs cycle, and I felt stronger in my body. But like a pattern I observe with many of my patients, I brought the same perfectionistic mindset to yoga that I took to medical school. When I couldn't keep up with the rigid yoga schedule I had outlined, I quickly chalked myself up as a failure.
There was also that time I subscribed to Real Simple magazine, convinced that if I gained mastery over my out-of-control closet, a feeling of inner contentment would closely follow. (I'm only slightly embarrassed to report that there's still a pile of Real Simple magazines collecting dust at the bottom of my closet.)
The data backs up the fact that commodified wellness is not working. American women not only report higher stress levels than men but also feel they are not doing a good job of managing it. A 2018 Canadian study of more than two thousand workers found that women reported higher levels of burnout compared to men. A systematic review from the University of Cambridge conducted across Europe and North America found that women are nearly twice as likely to suffer from anxiety as men, and there is a similar discrepancy when it comes to depression. One in five women ages forty to fifty-nine and nearly one in four women sixty and over were prescribed antidepressant medications in the United States, according to data from 2015 to 2018. For women ages eighteen to thirty-nine, the number was closer to one in ten.
Yet, curiously, search Instagram and you'll find more than sixty million posts tagged with #SelfCare. They run the gamut from beachside yoga to triumphant mommy blogs to "curative" smoothie recipes. If we use social media as our guide, self-care appears to be . . . anything that looks good in a photo?
As I mentioned earlier, this is faux self-care-the wellness behaviors and practices that are commonly sold as a remedy for women's problems. In many cases, faux self-care is just a sugar high, serving as an escape from the realities of daily life and moving us further away from our true selves. Faux self-care is also big business. A report from the Global Wellness Institute found that the global wellness industry, which is targeted at women in particular, was worth $4.4 trillion in 2020. While products like crystal-infused water bottles and vagus nerve pillow sprays might elicit a temporary sense of calm (putting aside the fact that they are too pricey for most American women), they do nothing to change the social systems that have us craving relief in the first place-so the cycle of consumerism continues unabated. Faux self-care is faux because when used alone, without the critical internal work we will discuss in this book, it does nothing to change our larger systems.
A Note on Social Media Influencers
If you're like me, you might find yourself browsing Instagram or other social media apps and wondering how on earth women find the time to have a perfectly curated home, gorgeous children, and on-point hair and makeup. It's so easy to look at influencer accounts and feel like "Wow, they're doing it, it looks so easy-why do I feel like a mess?" And when they share about a wellness product, it's understandable to be curious and think, "Maybe this product is the perfect solution to my problems!"
When you find yourself feeling this way, I encourage you to take a beat. Because influencers are on our phones, and our phones are with us all the time, it's easy to feel artificially close to them. But remember that social media is a highlight reel. When you see an influencer touting a wellness product, look to see if this person is being paid to promote it (i.e., it's a sponsored post). Influencers have the opportunity to play a role in shifting the dynamic in commodified wellness, and while some do speak up for social and policy change, not all are discerning about the wellness industry. Pay attention to which issues they speak up on, how they disclose the behind-the-scenes of their own lives, and what sort of vetting they do when promoting wellness products. If you notice that an influencer is not engaging in transparency or due diligence, reflect on if following them is making you feel better or worse about yourself. While there is a growing cohort of influencers who are making informed and conscious decisions about how they engage with the wellness industry, the social media space is still very much the wild, wild west. As a prime target of the wellness industry, you are exerting agency-and thus power-when you apply a critical lens to how you engage with influencers and social media marketing.
Self-Care: It Hasn't Always
Been Tyrannical
Because self-care is everywhere you turn these days-whether it's social media, podcasts, or our text threads with friends-it's tempting to believe that it's a uniquely twenty-first-century concept. The reality is that the 2020s version of self-care has come a long way from its beginnings. It turns out that self-care has two major lines of origin: health care and social justice. Self-care's origin story is fascinating and helpful for understanding why faux self-care occupies the large and expanding space it does today. Inside its origin story, we can also find some clues on how to reclaim self-care as our own.
Seventy-some years ago, in the 1950s, psychiatrists used the term self-care to describe the ways in which institutionalized patients could assert independence by taking charge of their diets and engaging in exercise while in the hospital. By the 1960s, nursing and medical professionals talked about their own need for self-care in response to compassion fatigue and secondary trauma. Fast-forward to the 1970s and self-care moved from the medical community to activist circles, with the Black Panther Party promoting self-care as a means for Black Americans to preserve their humanity in the face of systemic racism. It was Black women who actualized the concept into public discourse. Audre Lorde defined self-care as a powerful act to reclaim space within a society that demanded minorities and oppressed groups stay small or invisible. As she wrote in her 1988 book, A Burst of Light, "Caring for myself is not self-indulgence, it is self-preservation, and that is an act of political warfare." As we'll discuss in Chapter 3, real self-care is built on this very notion and, when implemented authentically, has the potential to change our broken system.
By the 1990s, as the economics of health care in the US were shifting, health-care professionals began encouraging patients with chronic medical conditions like diabetes and high blood pressure to take primary responsibility for their health as opposed to being passive recipients of care. Researchers found that for those living with chronic illnesses, self-care in the form of exercise, healthy diet, stress management, and other lifestyle interventions was associated with better health outcomes.
Self-care as the so-called cure that we now know it as evolved when the world became more hyperconnected. As we transitioned to smartphones, a twenty-four-hour news cycle, and a plethora of ways to keep up with family, friends, and complete strangers via social media, we also saw a parallel need for a balm from that stimulation overload. Self-care was no longer relegated to the realm of health, nor was it about standing up against oppressive systems. Instead, it morphed into a release valve, designed to bring you a momentary sense that things are all right. By the 2010s, the term self-care had exploded on social media and in the daily fabric of women's lives. The more out of control and dysfunctional our social structures became, the more our social media feeds were filled with glossy images of women seemingly living their best lives in picturesque locations. (Interestingly, Google searches for self-care peaked in November 2016, following election night in the United States.)
As a psychiatrist, I'm understandably interested in the connection between the explosion of faux self-care and the status of mental health treatment. While not everyone who engages with faux self-care needs professional mental health services, the symptoms of a major depressive disorder or a clinical anxiety disorder have quite a bit of overlap with those of burnout and chronic stress. But mental health treatment (like seeing a psychotherapist or a psychiatrist) is financially costly and typically not covered by insurance, and so remains inaccessible to many. It also takes time. The work of psychotherapy is not instantaneous-it can take months to see some progress (or to even get off a waiting list to be seen!). Similarly, trying to find the right medication can also take time. On the other hand, the seemingly easy and shiny solutions of faux self-care are, well, so much more simple and sexy. Why fight with with your insurance company when you can buy a vitamin pack that your favorite influencer recommends, and it will be delivered to your door the next day?
So we can't talk about faux self-care without talking about mental health treatment. We also can't talk about any of this without acknowledging there is a huge gap in access to affordable mental health services. There are several parts to the interplay between mental health and wellness solutions-first, a lack of education and awareness for many women about what constitutes a clinical mental health condition. Then, there's the stigma that still exists around seeing a therapist or a psychiatrist. Finally, once you've crossed all of those not-insignificant hurdles, there is the lack of insurance coverage, and the fact that finding access to a good therapist and psychiatrist is still only possible for the most privileged in our society. It's in this context, where actual treatment for mental health conditions is inaccessible for the vast majority of folks, that our culture serves us faux self-care as a quick fix and as a poor substitute for professional help. I don't mean to shame anyone here-in fact, when you are clinically depressed or anxious, finding a therapist and calling up your insurance company is even more difficult. It's no wonder that we are vulnerable to the slick marketing of faux self-care.
The time has come for self-care to evolve again, to take on a new definition. And that definition requires looking deeper, turning inward, and developing a reliable internal method for yourself-not one that has been prescribed for you by a wellness company or an influencer, but instead a solution that comes from you.
Product details
- Publisher : Penguin Life (March 14, 2023)
- Language : English
- Hardcover : 288 pages
- ISBN-10 : 0593489721
- ISBN-13 : 978-0593489727
- Item Weight : 13.8 ounces
- Dimensions : 5.8 x 1 x 8.5 inches
- Best Sellers Rank: #8,983 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)
- #52 in General Women's Health
- #196 in Happiness Self-Help
- #297 in Success Self-Help
- Customer Reviews:
About the author
Dr. Pooja Lakshmin MD is the author of the national bestseller, Real Self-Care, which has been featured by Good Morning America, NPR’s Code Switch and 1A, The New York Times, The Guardian, Talks at Google, and has been translated into 6 languages.
Pooja is a board certified psychiatrist and author specializing in women's mental health and a clinical assistant professor of psychiatry at George Washington University. She is a leading voice at the intersection of mental health and gender, focused on helping women and other marginalized communities escape the tyranny of faux self-care. She maintains an active private practice, where she treats women struggling with burnout, perfectionism, and disillusionment, as well as clinical conditions like depression and anxiety. As a frequent contributor to the The New York Times, Pooja's viral essays on the betrayal of burnout have changed the national and international conversation about women's mental health. Pooja's virals Instagram posts have resonated with millions of women. Her advice has been featured on the Today Show, Good Morning America, The Drew Barrymore Show, NPR, and in Glamour, Marie Claire, Self, Shape, Harper’s Bazaar and other media outlets.
In 2020, after noticing a gap in accessible science-based digital resources tailored to women’s emotional well-being, Pooja founded Gemma, a physician-led education platform dedicated exclusively to women’s mental health, impact, and equity. Gemma provides expert taught virtual courses to support women’s mental well-being and is building an innovative approach to online learning and women’s mental health.
Pooja frequently speaks, advises and consults for organizations on mental health, well-being, and real self-care for employee wellness and for brand social impact initiatives. Her recent partners include LinkedIn, Therapy for Black Girls, Google, The New York Times, 23andMe, Edelman, Pearson, McKinsey, and Memorial Sloan Kettering.
Pooja studied at the University of Pennsylvania where she graduated Phi Beta Kappa and Summa Cum Laude in Women's Studies and Biological Basis of Behavior. She received her MD from Jefferson Medical College. She did her internship and PGY2 year of psychiatry residency training at Stanford University, finishing her psychiatry residency training at George Washington University, where she was part of the Global Mental Health track.
Having gone down the rabbit hole of faux self-care and extreme wellness herself, Real Self-Care is Pooja's answer to the juice cleanses, the gratitude lists, and the bubble baths -- not only to care for ourselves for real but, in turn, to transform our broken culture.
She lives in Austin, Texas with her partner Justin, their son, and their two feisty cats.
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Top reviews from the United States
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This book will not only help you introspect, heal and show yourself compassion, but also give you tangible tools and frameworks that you can look back to as you navigate challenges in your own life. This book will also help you better understand and build empathy for the other powerful, resilient women in your life. Real self-care isn't about a form of achievement or consumerism, it's about embracing self-love and compassion. Thank you Pooja!
Ever since, I've followed her writing and work on instagram, where she shares wisdom around women's mental health from a psychology perspective. Honestly, I feel RELIEF when I read what she's writing! This book has been a brilliant follow-up to her work across the web. Being burned out and feeling betrayed by broken systems is real. But what do you DO about it? Is there any antidote or solution?
It turns out, if you're wishing for a vacation or you're fantasizing about escape... well, that's a sign that your current life is likely burning you out. Instead of buying the next fancy retreat or spa package (those are delightful, don't get me wrong!)—she recommends you start with her four-part framework.
Pooja writes about where our individual agency comes in: what can we do about this, and what's within our control? This is the delicate dance of self care.
She also shares the history of self-care and where the idea comes from (it was a mental health term often for institutionalized folks, and it was revolutionized by Black women in different movements before it's been co-opted today as a thing that you can purchase, buy, or sell). I appreciate this full history.
I got a chance to review an early copy of this book (I'm a podcaster, and I interviewed her for my show)—and I also purchased my own copy of this book. Here's what I got from the book:
So how do we do self-care in an overwhelming world? Her framework brings alignment between your values and what you can do, and highlights where you might be misaligned. I'll share a few sneak peeks without giving it all away:
1 — How to know what's yours, how to create space between you and the people you care about, how to define what belongs to someone else (guess what word she uses for this first step?)
2 — How to develop a new relationship with your mind (her insights on A&C therapy and how she describes psychological flexibility I found so cool). This is a more advanced psychological concept and I appreciate the depth here; it's not superficial.
3 — How to identify what really matters to YOU, what brings you energy. She has a specific tool called the self-care compass which is a great framework (and I like having it next to my desk at work).
4 — How to regain power and agency. For me, regaining your sense of control is HUGE in self-care, and she explains where and how you can claim your power.
For women especially, but also men need this too (boundary work is HARD for all). Also, her opening story about joining a cult? Riveting.
Buy this book, it's well-written, easy to read, and important to act on.
Reviewed in the United States on March 14, 2023
Ever since, I've followed her writing and work on instagram, where she shares wisdom around women's mental health from a psychology perspective. Honestly, I feel RELIEF when I read what she's writing! This book has been a brilliant follow-up to her work across the web. Being burned out and feeling betrayed by broken systems is real. But what do you DO about it? Is there any antidote or solution?
It turns out, if you're wishing for a vacation or you're fantasizing about escape... well, that's a sign that your current life is likely burning you out. Instead of buying the next fancy retreat or spa package (those are delightful, don't get me wrong!)—she recommends you start with her four-part framework.
Pooja writes about where our individual agency comes in: what can we do about this, and what's within our control? This is the delicate dance of self care.
She also shares the history of self-care and where the idea comes from (it was a mental health term often for institutionalized folks, and it was revolutionized by Black women in different movements before it's been co-opted today as a thing that you can purchase, buy, or sell). I appreciate this full history.
I got a chance to review an early copy of this book (I'm a podcaster, and I interviewed her for my show)—and I also purchased my own copy of this book. Here's what I got from the book:
So how do we do self-care in an overwhelming world? Her framework brings alignment between your values and what you can do, and highlights where you might be misaligned. I'll share a few sneak peeks without giving it all away:
1 — How to know what's yours, how to create space between you and the people you care about, how to define what belongs to someone else (guess what word she uses for this first step?)
2 — How to develop a new relationship with your mind (her insights on A&C therapy and how she describes psychological flexibility I found so cool). This is a more advanced psychological concept and I appreciate the depth here; it's not superficial.
3 — How to identify what really matters to YOU, what brings you energy. She has a specific tool called the self-care compass which is a great framework (and I like having it next to my desk at work).
4 — How to regain power and agency. For me, regaining your sense of control is HUGE in self-care, and she explains where and how you can claim your power.
For women especially, but also men need this too (boundary work is HARD for all). Also, her opening story about joining a cult? Riveting.
Buy this book, it's well-written, easy to read, and important to act on.
This is the only book of its kind out there, which helps it fill a very needed void in the 'self-care' literature. This examination of what self-care really IS and what it means in our individual lives is absolutely vital, because self-care is not a one-size-fits-all kind of thing. It is something we each have to examine in the context of our own lives, and create for ourselves. That is a lot harder than using an out of the box solution, but it is phenomenally more useful and rewarding.
Top reviews from other countries
Reviewed in Singapore on December 11, 2023
One of the strengths of Real Self-Care is that it doesn't pretend to have all the answers or to be a one-size-fits-all solution. Instead, Pooja Laxmin acknowledges the complexity of self-care and the different challenges that women (and men) face in taking care of their mental health. She also distinguishes between real self-care, which involves intentional and sustainable practices that enhance one's well-being, and faux self-care, which can be superficial, temporary, or even harmful.
The book is structured in a way that makes it easy to follow and apply the advice. Each chapter covers a specific aspect of real self-care, such as setting boundaries, managing stress, practicing gratitude, and cultivating self-compassion. Within each chapter, Pooja Laxmin offers clear explanations, relevant examples, and practical tips, often backed up by research and her own clinical experience. The language is accessible and engaging, without being overly simplistic or patronizing.
What I appreciated most about Real Self-Care is the emphasis on seeking professional help when needed and the guidance on how to do so effectively. Pooja Laxmin acknowledges that self-care is not always enough and that some mental health issues require the expertise and support of trained professionals. She also provides a helpful checklist of what to look for in a therapist or counselor, including credentials, specialties, and personal fit.
Overall, Real Self-Care is a valuable resource for anyone who wants to improve their mental health and well-being in a realistic and compassionate way. While it may resonate more with women, I believe that men can also benefit from the insights and strategies offered in the book. Whether you're a seasoned self-helper or a skeptic like me, give Real Self-Care a chance and see how it can make a difference in your life.