Ostracism is basically being shunned, ignored, exiled, banished or treated as you don't exist. It is known by many names such as the silent treatment, no speaks and being silenced. Its so prevalent in our society that 67% of Americans surveyed admitted to using it and 75% of those surveyed admitted to having received it. Ostracism is a Greek word and it can be traced back to Athens in Greece around 487BC where it was considered a form of punishment. Even today over 1500 years later ostracism is still generally seen as a form of punishment and its still mainly used to punish. Ostracism can be used individually, it can be used by groups, it can be used in the work place and it can even be used on the Internet. Williams examines all forms of ostracism in this book and how they all seem to threaten four needs: the need to belong, the need for a high self-esteem, the need to control and the need to have a meaningful existence. Ostracism threatens all four of these needs which makes it powerful. Different forms of ostracism have different effects but they all seem to have an impact on four essential needs. The research is fascinating in the sense the experiments create exactly the same effects as those who have been ostracised for real. But as William admits in the book it raises more questions than it answers and a lot more research is required.
The book is full of stories of people who have given the silent treatment (sources) and those who have received it (targets). Williams became fascinated with ostracism in 1977 after watching a TV movie which recounted a young cadet who was ostracised at the US Military Academy at West Point for 19 months. The cadet's life there was a living hell as his mail would go missing to his belongings being vandalised. A young Aboriginal prisoner at a Townsville prison was found walking between the fences in the hope of being caught trying to escape. Why did he do this? He had be ostracised by the other prisoners to the point he was beginning to question his own existence. He just wanted someone to notice him so he would know he existed. The book is full of stories like these which are fascinating to read because no two people react to ostracism the same way. Some people have no trouble using the silent treatment on someone and will use it all the time. Some people don't have a problem using the silent treatment but they must have a very good reason for its use it's not something they would use all the time. Some people will only use the silent treatment as a last resort and some will use it but they feel very guilty in doing so and would prefer not to use it. Williams recommends that its use be avoided or if it must be used Williams recommends the target be informed of why it is being used, how long its going to be used for and when it is going to end.
Williams presents a model for understanding ostracism in the book but admits a lot more work is required on the model. The model is far from complete but its a starting point to understanding this complex social phenomena. The model is used throughout the book but never to explain how the targets feel and their reactions to the ostracism. He gives very little attention to them in the book he's focus is mainly on the sources. He notes the model may be extended to targets in the future but they are generally neglected in the model. He does discuss the targets in the book looking at their stories and how they felt. He does note that some targets reported pretending it was not happening was one way of dealing with it. Towards the end Williams does talk about what targets can do about receiving the silent treatment but he addresses it rather briefly. His advice to targets is you can try to talk to them about it but there is no guarantee they will talk or even stop. Once ostracism starts it can be very difficult to stop for it requires one to admit they were wrong to use it and one may be reluctant to do so if the ostracism was wrongly applied. Sometimes the best solution to being the target of ostracism Williams comments is to leave the situation or environment and try to regain those lost needs elsewhere.
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Roald Andresen
Hard reading, but valuable
Reviewed in the United Kingdom on September 26, 2020